Ravings of a Textual Deviant

Doug’s “The Terrible Fate of the Orphans of St. Christopher” game is nothing if not fraught with comic potential and teen angst. The characters are five very messed-up girls between the ages of 12 and 16, who were turned into vampires and abandoned. We’ve had more tragic feeding accidents than I care to count…and a couple of amusing ones, too. Which is how we end up with conversations like this:

Jade: You killed him?
Lucy: I didn’t mean to!
Jade: Did you turn him into vampire?
Lucy: I don’t think so…how do you turn someone into a vampire?
Jade: I don’t know.

It’s a roller coaster of poor impulse control. I love it.

The script for Stephen Sondheim’s musical A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum delivers everything promised in the opening number, “Comedy Tonight.” Footlite Musicals’ production did its best, but there were a few problems.

1. If I can tell that the orchestra is out of tune, then it’s really out of tune. Same goes for the singing.

2. Head costumer Jeff Farley fell down on the job on this one, particularly when it came to informing some female cast members of the need for appropriate undergarments–if you’re wearing a low-backed leotard, you cannot wear a regular bra underneath. Not even if you’re Madonna (whose rejects may have made an appearance on some of the courtesans). In gymnastic competitions, there’s a 1/10-point deduction if underwear is visible. I’m taking off considerably more in this case, because the underwear was a) extremely visible and b) extremely anachronistic. And even if the head costumer didn’t catch it, director Ellen Sanders should have. Somebody should have. It doesn’t matter how flashy or clever your costuming is if it isn’t well executed. (It does, however, make the set look better, not that it needed help. Very clever doorknobs on Lycus’s house!)

3. Casting. The men were well cast, for the most part. The women…so-so. I know that directors are limited by who auditions, but a couple of the women who were playing courtesans looked distinctly uncomfortably in their roles, particularly one of the Geminae…especially as the other one was trying very hard to compensate.

Now, full credit goes to the cast for managing to pull off a very entertaining evening in spite of the above. Jim Spangler’s performance as Pseudolus was energetic and glib; Trevor Bates was extremely well cast as Hero, as was Bill Hale as Senex. R. Brian Nofke gave his all to the physical comedy required by the part of Hysterium. Rebecca DeVries (Filia) does a good dumb blonde; a role that’s easy to overplay, especially in a comedy. Michael Moyer was wonderfully pompous and egotistical as Miles Gloriosus. Rich Baker did a great job as Erronius, a role that is mostly a running joke. And the entire cast’s timing was on last night. The entire second act is very demanding in that regard, and they pulled it off beautifully. With more attention to detail, the show could have been the best I’ve seen at Footlite. As it was, I had a good time and consider it worth the price of admission. Of course, I did have a comp…

Looks like Ravings, Cav Lec, and Shark Tank will be moving to WordPress soon. If it works, I’m for it. I must confess that I feel about software the way I feel about cars. I don’t need to know the specs for every little bit and piece. But if it starts leaking, making funny noises, or parts start falling off, it’s time to switch. And it is hard to resist that new-software smell…

I’ve been collecting Charles de Lint’s books for years. I picked up an early paperback edition of The Riddle of the Wren from a friend in London, Ontario several years ago. I scored a paperback copy of Mulengro at Half Price Books two years ago. Ed got me a hardback edition of The Road to Lidsdoonvarna at the Chicago Worldcon in 2000. The Samuel Key books have been reprinted in softcover, along with some of his other early work. At this point, most of what I don’t have is very hard to find and expensive when I do–Uncle Dobbin’s Parrot Fair, The Buffalo Man, The Fair at Emain Macha, Ascian in Rose.

I don’t care about editions, printings, or covers. I just want to read the stories. I’m nearly caught up on his recent stuff; when Seven Wild Sisters came out a couple of years ago, the local bookstore lost my order, and by the time they got it straightened out, the book was out of print. I haven’t seen it for under $100, although I did manage to read the library’s copy. Nor have I yet acquired A Handful of Coppers, although it’s on the list. And I’ve taken the precaution of preordering the next two books, Medicine Road and The Wild Wood, from a different bookstore.

Now, I can take Ascian in Rose off the list; there was a very reasonably priced (considering) used paperback on amazon. And it will be mine!

Update: I have happily discovered that several of the stories in de Lint books I don’t have are included in some of his anthologies. Still trying to track down Hedgework and Guessery, The Fair at Emain Macha, and Berlin, though. Any leads are appreciated.

After a very polite email conversation with one of Hotmail’s support techs, the problem seems to be resolved. However, the resolution was “everything seems to be working now,” so who knows? If you should happen to get a message that I don’t exist, rest assured it isn’t true.

glonous: of or pertaining to humor that results from a poor translation

Example: Welcome to Chinese Restaurant. please try your Nice Chinese Food With Chopsticks the traditional and typical of Chinese glonous history and cultural.

I’m told that Hotmail is telling people that my address there does not exist, depsite the fact that I continue to send and receive email there. Must investigate. In the mean time, my yahoo address officially exists, so that’s the backup for now.

Several years ago, my brother was trying to fix something in the circuit breaker panel of his residence. At one point, he thought, this probably isn’t a good idea, but did it anyway. And sure enough, he was right; he got the electrical shock to prove it. For reasons he didn’t explain to me at the time, he felt compelled to do it anyway.

This is by way of explaining why I went to Van Helsing. On purpose.

Ed’s opinion is that it’s better than the Dungeons & Dragons movie. I have to agree, in that I did not actually have the urge to set the screen on fire in order to escape the movie. And I did learn a few things…to wit:

Transylvanians invented spandex pants.

Richard Roxburgh (Dracula) can’t act his way out of a paper bag.

Vampires lay eggs. Lots of huge eggs. In fact, I can’t fathom how they manage to lay so damn many huge eggs and still look look good in harem pants. Or where they find the time to terrorize villagers.

Dracula’s minions are undead jawas.

Igor is an electrical engineer.

Werewolves are very good swimmers.

Extreme CGI effects actually look better in black and white than in color.

Don’t touch viscous liquids.

Female vampires have access to the costume closet from Sam Raimi’s Xena/Hercules tv shows.

Three brides or not, Dracula is as gay as my favorite hairdresser.

Coworker: I’ve been known to drop my drawers in a bar to show off my tattoo.

Me: I’m afraid to take off my clothes in a bar. I don’t know what would be worse–if people threw money at me, or if they didn’t.

Our Thursday night D &D game is an every-other-week undertaking. This being an off week, I thought it might be fun to get some people together for board & card games. Six invitations were issued. One was declined upon receipt. Two prior acceptances were cancelled with last-minute phone calls. One was cancelled in response to a “wonder-where-they-are” phone call. One was a no show.

And I discovered that I don’t have any good two-player games.