Ravings of a Textual Deviant

How do you know when it’s a slow day at work?

B: The Squirrel Mafia must have had a hit… there’s a dead bird in the pool by the cafe with what appears to be its head cut off…
Me: yikes! hide your acorns
B: I wonder what the bird did to deserve that… show disrespect for Don Squirrel? Late on his loansharking payment?
Me: I heard it was an interspecies romance thing—trés Romeo and Juliet. The bird was dating Don Squirrel’s youngest daughter. He was going to fly her to Vegas this weekend to get married at the 24-hour chapel of Elvis…isn’t love grand?
B: Makes one do strange things
Me: That much is indisputable

How do you know when it’s a really slow day at work?

Me: I just Googled “squirrel mafia”
B: and…
Me: there are a lot of hits
B: no pun intended
Me: sorry about that
B: that’s funny… and weird at the same time because there must actually be a squirrel mafia
Me: I’ve known that since graduate school. I told you about the squirrel mugging the chipmunk, right?
B: yes you did… it has me thinking that I should watch my back when I take the squirrel pix…maybe they really don’t like that
Me: so long as they’re not actually committing felonies while you’re taking the picture, you’re probably safe
B: I wonder if the lazy squirrel in the tree is a ‘made’ squirrel… did he take an oath of allegiance, tossing a little piece of burning paper in his little paws?
Me: I hope they haven’t figured out how to use fire
B: Or did the other squirrels get to pummel him mercilessly for a few minutes?
Me: isn’t that more of a gang initiation? maybe he had to kill a ranked mafia squirrel?
B: yes, but isn’t the mafia a gang?
Me: not so much a street gang as an organized-crime syndicate
B: true… a smart gang if you will
Me: business-oriented
B: yep
Me: check this out

How do you know when it’s so slow that time is practically moving backwards?

We now have an alternate theory, which is that the bird’s head is waiting to be found in a nest or a pile of acorns somewhere.

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 16th, 2005 at 12:49 pm and is filed under Daze in the Life of.... You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.