Mrs. Atwood’s Player: I just wanted to confirm that we are playing the Ellipse this Sunday evening.
Me: We are indeed, from 7-10PM, or thereabouts. Get ready to say “Bom dia, Brasilia.”
Mrs. Anderson’s Player: Bomb Brasilia? Isn’t that a trifle excessive?
Mrs. Atwood’s Player: Given our record, we’ll be lucky if that’s all that happens. As I recall, the last time we visited a nation’s capitol, we ran into a revolution!
A: Did B. sign the [document]?
Me: She’s looking at it; hasn’t signed it yet, but I can’t think of a glaring reason why she wouldn’t.
A: OK…just let me know when it’s ready.
Me: As soon as I know something, I will be sure to tell you. You know that if I could sign for B. I would have done it already.
A: lol
Me: But my forgery skills are quite rusty. I couldn’t promise it would pass an audit.
A: No need for that yet…I’m sure that skill would come in handy one day.
Me: It already has. I just haven’t needed it in a while. Hence the rusty.
A: lol
Me: Why do people lol when I’m not joking?
A: lol…yeah right. Just don’t share any details…just in case the FBI tries to interrogate.
Me: It wasn’t a legal document and the statute of limitations is long over anyway.
A: Your parent’s signature on an absentee note or tardy note? We’ve all done that.
Me: Actually, someone else’s mom. And I did it for money.
A: lol…making a profit.
Me: Well, I felt my allowance was insufficient, so I got a part-time job using my skills and creativity.
So what with one thing and another, I realized that it’s been two years since I started going to the gym regularly. I’ve lost a total of 60 pounds, which was 1/3 of my starting weight. The math is left as an exercise to the student. I’m within sight of my undergraduate weight, and for the moment, at least, my driver’s license is accurate. (One of the things that prompted me to start working out in the first place was not the realization that I had lied about my weight on my license, but by how much I was off without even knowing it.) Lately, I’ve been losing weight by stress non-eating—which I really, truly don’t recommend, any more than I recommend stress eating. It’s not healthy, and being healthy is the whole point of the exercise.
Now, I’m starting to think about maintenance, and it’s startling to realize that I’m going to have to get used to eating more, for the first time in two and a half years. One of the reasons that I’m glad I’ve done (most) of this process slowly is that it has given me time to adjust to new eating habits, new capacities, and new capabilities. What with the recent upheaval, though, I find that I have absolutely no idea how my metabolism works, and I have to reacquaint myself with my body—and that’s not even how it would work normally; it’s how it works under the kind of stress I’ve had the past two months. I have no idea how things will settle out once I’m not this tightly wound. Looking forward to finding out, though—whenever that happens.
Much upheaval of a personal nature at present. The Management apologizes for any inconvenience.
I am now officially not a yoga teacher yet. I’ve signed up for a Level I teacher certification class, which will be the first weekend in August. I’ve got a lead on setting up the required post-training volunteer work. My credit card has been charged, and all I need now is the book.
Update: And a hotel room. And a map. Eeek! I’m not ready!
“You know, sometimes security just gets in the way.” —Brent
B: Why do you you think Word considers the following to be a fragment: “If necessary, [company] will perform a follow-up vendor evaluation during its annual periodic review of the system or if any upgrades or other changes are made to the system.”
Me: No commas before the “or”s?
B: Tried that… still thinks it is a fragment. Strange.
Me: Because Word is fundamentally flawed when it comes to grammar checking?
B: Bingo… we have a winner! Thanks… at least it is not as annoying as Notes
Me: What is?
B: I loathe Notes.
Me: I think that being hit in the head repeatedly by a large, spiky object *might* be more annoying than Notes…but I haven’t tried it.
B: only if you then poured gasoline in the wound and then lit it with a flame thrower, but that’s just me.
Me: AND Neil Diamond’s Greatest Hits was playing in the background.
B: On a warped 33.
Me: With bad speakers. Hey, I should apply for a job at Guantanamo Bay.
Initials have been changed to protect those with extremely short-term memories.
X: Did you format [document 1]?
Me: Working on it now.
X: The one you just sent me.
Me: I sent you [document 2].
X: o.k. Did you format [document 2]?
Me: Yes. The one I just sent you.
The most important thing I’ve learned from yoga is “no pain.”
In a yoga class, a good teacher teacher tells you that if something hurts, you’re either doing it wrong or trying to hard. It’s good advice, on and off the mat.
Large Male Coworker: I can’t sign this document.
Me: In that case, I am going to have to beat you up and take your lunch money.
There are 52 days left on my contract. I hope my next job has as many people with a good sense of humor as this one does. Although not too good.
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