Ravings of a Textual Deviant

I was looking back over my recent posts and realized it had been a while since I posted any non-fiction. Part of that has to do with the fact that they’re cracking down on Internet usage at work, but mostly it’s because I’ve had a very difficult couple of weeks and haven’t wanted to whine publicly. So, in a nutshell and with as little kvetching as I can manage, here’s what’s been going on.

At work, I’m trying to smooth out some persistent personality conflicts whilst not causing gross bodily harm to someone who has run through my patience. Outside of work, I have been on a quest to find some skirts and a suit that are appropriate for work. Unfortunately, the Fashion Idiocy Industry has decided that this year, women want knickers, rather than skirts, for “career wear.” So, even if I could find a suit in my size—and I’ve lost track of the number of stores that don’t even carry petitie sizes—it wouldn’t be office-appropriate anyway. I’m terribly frustrated, because while I didn’t expect that losing a lot of weight would magically fix my entire life, I did think it was going to be easier to find clothes that fit, and that’s turned out not to be the case. The cavalry has stepped up, and I can’t thank you enough (you know who you are); at the same time, I can’t help but be annoyed at the prospect of having to go to Chicago to find clothes that fit.

Furthermore, the American Ellipse hasn’t been going well lately, mostly because I haven’t had the mental energy or time to put into it that it deserves. Yesterday, after a chat with a couple of players, we decided it’s probably best to put the game on hold through the summer, and pick it up again after some other things in my life settle down. Those things would include finishing up the majority of my yoga teacher training, planning for Passover, a couple of trips I have planned over the summer, and getting through my impending divorce.

So, yeah, there’s some stress, and I’m starting to feel run down physically. I’m not getting to yoga class as much as I’d like. I recently noticed that my sugar consumption is way up, probably because I’m trying to load calories when I’m not nauseated. And I’ve been nauseated fairly often, lately. I’m well aware of the fact that I can’t possibly afford another dramatic weight drop like last summer; the mere thought of it petrifies me. At the same time, I don’t want to fall back into bad eating habits…like loading up on sugar.

However, I think what bothers me the most is that I’m having trouble enjoying the good things that have happened—and there have been several, both at work and outside of it. My Thing has been very well received, and I’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback from both the people I supervise and my manager. I’m teaching yoga twice a week, and I’ve gotten a lot of good feedback on that, too. My players actually talked me out of cancelling the Ellipse outright, which I’d been seriously considering, because they do like the game. And all things considered, Ed and I are getting along remarkably well, and everyone’s been very supportive of both of us. The 100-word story project keeps chugging along, and I’m having a great deal of fun with it. The days are getting longer, and it’s actually been sunny lately. And yet, that’s not what springs to mind first when I think about how my life is going lately. For example, I want to be happily anticipating my grandmother’s 90th-birthday party in July, and my yoga teacher training in Oregon in August, but I’m having trouble seeing past the expense and logistics.

I don’t want to go all Drama Queen here; I’m fairly certain that there isn’t much wrong with me that a couple of weeks on a beach wouldn’t cure. But I cannot begin to tell you how much I don’t want to go back to being the unhealthy, unhappy, cranky person I was when I started this blog three years ago. I hope  that the Reading Public will forgive my online whine-and-cheese party here and my lack of postings lately. I’m trying to work on the good stuff, and I’ll get it out here as soon as I can manage.

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 26th, 2006 at 8:50 am and is filed under Daze in the Life of.... You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.