Ravings of a Textual Deviant

I’m not being paid enough to flee an entire army of goblins, hobgoblins, orcs, ogres, wargs, forest giants (probably) and assorted other frothing evil-icky-dragon-god fanatics who are probably far less happy than I am about the fact that their green dragon has just met an unpleasant fate—as evidenced by all the nasty bits I can feel clotting underneath my fingernails. And us fleeing to a town with no defenses to speak of, let alone a halfway-decent manicurist.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I think I forgot to mention last time that Cedric, that odd little halfling priest, turned up again at the keep. We got there in plenty of time—he still had all his bits and pieces, after all—but he was awfully cranky about having been in that cage. Anyway, it’s a good thing he was there, because he was right useful, both after that fight and earlier today. I often wonder why he seems to turn up where I’m going to be—beyond the obvious “my goddess told me to,” of course. As far as I can tell, he’s either one of her favorites or decidedly out of favor. I suppose it doesn’t really matter, as the end result is the same for him regardless. It just goes to show that there’s something to Mother’s advice about getting too personal with deities—there’s very little profit in it.

And speaking of very little profit, we did indeed manage to get to the bridge ahead of the main body of the army. Liane (our druid) and Cedric did that voodoo that they do very well indeed, taking down the bridge quite handily. Medrin (our mage/engineer) had it figured just right. It was a pity to see such lovely, ancient craftsmanship tumble into 150-foot gorge—or it would have been, if the green dragon I mentioned earlier hadn’t hopped across straightaway and distracted me from the sight. (Note to self–when all this is over, make contact with local stonecutters’ and builders’ guilds.) And of course, it wasn’t alone. Fortunately, most of his reinforcements were on the other side of the gorge, and the hellhounds on our side of it were mightily susceptible to the frostball spell that Medrin tossed. Nifty trick, that—I must remember to ask Marika about it next time I see her. At this point, a couple of hobgoblins are hardly impressive.

For once, our arguing planning worked perfectly, and although it was an incredible row, we did manage to emerge the victors. I can’t believe that Constance just walked right up to a dragon and hit it square in the head with a big stick! (Must remember to see if there’s a head injury of his own there that he hasn’t mentioned to me.) Still, it was remarkably effective, so I supposed I can’t fault him entirely. On the other hand, there is a reason I prefer to find a nice, comfy, out-out-of-the-way tree and fire arrows from a less personal distance. Mal is also coming along nicely, although he still hasn’t outgrown that small-boy delight in carnage and destruction that I remember so well from his childhood escapades. I’m hoping that he’ll assume a more professional attitude one of these days, but I’m not holding my breath.

After all the excitement was over (well, nearly all of it; Mal hadn’t set fire to the phalanx of archers that were webbed together on the other side fo the gorge yet, but it wasn’t as if they were actually doing anything) I would have been content to take only the head—as a persuasive measure for the Town Council that got us into this mess. But Anja just had to have the hide, too. You can take the girl out of the armory…at any rate, the only thing that was going to get us out of there faster was all skilled hands pitching in to help, so I did. (I had better get a fabulous pair of shoes and a matching bag out of this; it might begin to start compensating me for the unbelievable mess that this little adventure is turning out to be.)

Timing is everything, and Mal’s happy butterfly god was with us, but just barely. No sooner had we finished up with the dragon remains (an entirely new kind of awful smell, I might add!) then what appeared to be a several-hundred-strong, frothing-fanatic vanguard with red hand banners appeared at the top of the hill on the other side of the aforementioned gorge. I don’t think that the lack of bridge is going to delay them much, but I only want to stay in that town long enough to let the council know that a) most of their money and valuables are going to be leaving town shortly, one way or another, and b) they really ought to plan on some of it leaving with us.

When Marcie, one of my very favorite YogaFit instructors, told us that the combination of the yoga with weights class and Level 2 was exceeded only by Level 4 in being physically challenging, I began to have serious doubts about my ability to effectively participate in the entire weekend’s training…not to mention make making me just a bit apprehensive about Level 4, which is coming up in less than two weeks. Furthermore, another trainee had told me that Marcie’s weights class “kicks your butt,” and having had Marcie’s Level 2 class already, I knew what her master classes are like.

I was pleasantly surprised that Marcie’s weights class did not kick my butt—although it did a number on my quads, as did the master classes. On the other hand, I did come out with my triceps feeling pretty good, which was a nice change.

Again, I’m seeing the value of repeating Level 2, because even though I was already familiar with the material, there’s still quite a lot of it. Also, I could feel the changes in my body since the last time I took the class. This is the seminar that teaches major inversion poses, like headstand, handstand, and forearm balance. It’s not immediately obvious, even to people who’ve been doing these poses for a while, how much should strength and flexibility is required to do them safely. Last time I had Level 2, I felt as though I had barely crossed the minimum strength threshhold. This time, I felt very strong and confident in all three poses. Forearm balance is one that I’ve had the least experience with, which makes it more of a challenge, but I was even able to get my feet off the wall and balance on my own, albeit briefly.

Like Level 3 poses, I may never get to teach a lot of what’s in Level 2. For now, though, I don’t mind, as I’ll have the opportunity to work on the advanced poses myself before I try to teach them. Not really a bad thing, and any of my students who happen to read this can heave a huge sigh of relief. It’s nice that I can take away some things that are just for me…at least for now.

Friday night’s training was a hybrid of weight training and yoga. Personally, I tend to find weight training terribly boring, and yet, I feel the need to cross-train. This class was the perfect answer to my boredom, and I am very glad I signed up for it, in spite of how my quadruceps have felt since then. I dont think any of my current classes are ready (or possibly even interested) in thatyet, but it’s nice to know how, and I intend to work it into my personal practice. I also think it would go over very well at a gym or fitness center, so if I ever decide that’s the sort of place I’m interested in teaching, it’s a great trick to have in the bag.

I would say that the only down side to the class format is that it’s not for someone who’s new to both yoga and weight training. I teach the former and have done the latter, and I felt like it was still something that I’d need to put time into in order to assimilate. In fact, I don’t see myself teaching this particular class for some time yet.

One of the things I picked up in last weekend’s training was an offhand comment by the trainer about one teacher who started her classes by having the students give themselves a foot massage. I though this was brilliant, and tried it out on my Thursday class. As we were working on the foot massage, I mentioned that I’d gotten the idea in my recent training.

One of my students promptly piped up, “yay, training!”

M: Happiness just eludes some people.

Me: Especially when they drive it off with sticks and stones.

M: Maybe you should send her a Dr. Phil book.

Me: I’d be more likely to send her a Dr. Seuss book. I think it would help more.