Ravings of a Textual Deviant

Yoinked from arenson9…with commentary, of course

“A” careers for me:
Association Manager - I have no idea what this even is
Casting Director - No desire to seduce starlets
Communications Specialist
Criminologist - Those who can’t do…
Critic - It’s more of a hobby for me, but if it paid well enough…
Curator
Desktop Publisher
Director
Health Care Administrator - Don’t care enough about people
Historian - Closest I’ve gotten is wanting to be Indiana Jones when I was ten
Human Resources Specialist - No, really
Industrial-Organizational Psychologist - Even less plausible
Lobbyist - Why not just tell me that I would be a good prostitute?
Management Consultant - See above comment
Office Manager
Political Aide - Checking to see if there’s a slime trail behind me
Professor - The fact that I left grad school with a bad taste in my mouth probably takes this one off the list
Public Policy Analyst
Writer - Again, a great hobby, but I’m just not good enough to go pro

“B” careers for me:
Activist - Not that good at losing gracefully; would lead to heavy drinking
Actor
Anthropologist
Arts Administrator
Comedian - Got kicked out of a comedy troupe in college for being “too funny”
Economic Development Officer - This thing must be broken
Economist - Prefer not to have sense of humor excised
Producer - So long as I don’t have to look, sing, or dance like Nathan Lane
Venture Capitalist - This thing must be really broken
Wedding Planner - Am procrastinating in planning my own wedding at this point

“C” careers for me:
Animator - Can’t draw
Artist - Still can’t draw
Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator - Hello? Hello? CAN’T DRAW.
Costume Designer - My mother does it better than I possibly could
Director of Photography
Exhibit Designer
Industrial Designer - Which industry do I get to design?
Model Maker - I knew all those tall, skinny women were unnatural, but I had no idea…
Set Designer
Special Effects Technician - Seriously thought about this in college, decided I preferred having a full set of fingers to having pyrotechnic expertise
Technical Writer - Frighteningly enough, this was my day job for eight years

“If a cat barfs in the woods, does anyone care?”

A: [Backup Project Manager] promoted me to star centurion last Friday before he left, but I didn’t get my blaster. Could you pick it up for me?

Backup PM: Please let A know that the promotion was largely ceremonial in nature. As such, we don’t hand out blasters. What he IS entitled to, however, is continued employment in the Empire.

Me: I heard a rumor that the blasters have been backordered, for like, forever.

A: Darn! Nerfed again!

This isn’t a picture of Minx and Magnus…but it’s close enough.

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M: I looked for a list of Texas [criminal] offenders, but I didn’t find anything.

Me: Check the rolls of the Legislature.