Ravings of a Textual Deviant

A good night’s rest, cold weather, and a brisk walk have all failed to help me shake off sleepiness. I have an iced triple-espresso latte, and I know how to use it.

Anyone who knows anything about the squirrel mafia should be utterly unsurprised by this…

Fiancé still sick, doctor says flu lasts 7-10 days & peaks on day 5…today. Yet more work drama. Miserable weather for evening commute. Lost debit card. Cancelled debit card. Fiancé feeling better, cats no longer at maximum defcon.

Found debit card, still cancelled. *&%$!!!!

Sick. Car repair. Work drama. Fiancé sick. More work drama. Fiancé still sick, cats worried. Car OK. Very tired. Fiancé still sick, doctor visit today.

If I ever own a yoga studio, I’m going to call it “Flex in the City.”

There are six people, not counting me, on one of the teams I supervise. After severe storms the previous night, I was happy to wake up with power on and a dry house, even if I had been feeling unwell the past few days. I almost decided to call in, but thought I would give it a try. And it was a good thing, too.

When I got into work I had three voice mail message.

Message 1: Person 1 has a migraine; will medicate and try to come in for the afternoon.

Message 2: Person 2 has water in the house, and will be in as soon as furniture can be moved and carpet rolled up and put somewhere to dry.

Message 3: Person 3 is not feeling well and will be in later this morning.

Then, I checked my email.

Email 1: Person 4 is home sick on doctor’s orders, but working remotely.

Email 2: Peson 5 has extensive storm damage to the house and will not be in.

Person 6 was in, but started feeling unwell mindmorningish. Fortunately, Person 6 is a real trouper and stuck it out. And a good thing, too, as Person 1 didn’t make it in at all as the migraine simply refused to abate.

Today, Persons 1-3 and 6 were in the office, and 4 and 5 were repeats of yesterday.

I’m crossing my fingers for tomorrow. At least we’re on an upward trend.

A: You missed all the Fat Tuesday food around here today.

Me: I’m on a low-Tuesday diet.

This weekend, Fiancé and I did something we almost never do—watched TV. We had the food channel on, and were watching a show hosted by a well-known Southern cook. Her son was on the show, making deep-fried lasagna.

I didn’t even know I had Italian blood in my veins until I felt it run cold at that moment.

And that was before I found out that they didn’t use a single Italian cheese in the dish. (Cheddar, Gruyere, Swiss, and cream cheese??!?! Quello è colloquio pazzesco, miei cari lettori!)

I was so busy being appalled that I missed most of the next segment. I came to my senses just in time to see the host flour a barbequed rib and toss it into the deep fryer. The camera faded to black, then into the sponsor’s billboard…

“This program is brought to you by Lipitor”.

This is the sort of excuse note I would probably write.

Except that I wouldn’t take my kids to any Disney theme park, because I find the $DISNEY experience surreal and creepy. At least, I did last time I was there…when I was about six or seven. Admittedly, I haven’t been back since then, but only because I suspect that it has only gotten more surreal and creepier in the intervening thirty or so years.