Other Observers should feel free to add their field notes in the comments.
Subject 1: Bad-influence Cat
Bad-influence Cat is native to Portland, OR. Indeterminate age & gender; description not available as witnesses are usually going by at high speed. Presumably an indoor/outdoor cat, but nobody really knows, because Bad-influence Cat does not so much go inside as periodically disappear and reappear. (Potential Cheshire hybrid?). Subject 1 is missing one ear and half a tail. Subject 1 is often seen sleeping in the middle of the street, indifferent to passing traffic; or behind the tires of a variety of cars. Investigate possibility that Bad-influence Cat has considerably more than nine lives. Subject has been known to associate with Subject 2, Scout, much to the latter’s detriment.
Subject 2: Scout
Scout is also native to Portland, OR. Approximately 5 years old; neutered female, short-haired orange tiger. Subject 2 is an indoor/outdoor cat with known residence. Despite Scout’s risky association with Bad-influence Cat, she appears to be intact. Subject 2 should only be approached with extreme caution—or better yet, tuna—as she has been known to take a swipe at passers-by, and has more than once attempted to shred anyone foolish enough to fall for her “pet my tummy” ruse. Subject 2’s owner recently reported that she has stopped randomly attacking house guests…most of the time.
Subject 3: Flammable Cat
Flammable cat is native to northeast Indianapolis, IN. Unknown age & gender; short-haired, white with black spots and occasional scorch mark.Subject 3 is an indoor/outdoor cat; residence unknown. Flammable cat was first sited while smoking outside observer 1’s garage in late October of 2000; source of ignition was a Halloween candle lantern. Flammable Cat appeared to suffer no permanent damage, nor to have learned from the experience. Flammable cat was also accidentally trapped overnight in observer 1’s garage in mid-2006. This was only one of many continuing attempts to gain access to observer’ 1s residence. Flammable Cat is a known associate of Subject 4, Passive-agressive Cat.
Subject 4: Passive-agressive Cat
Passive-agressive cat is native to northeast Indianapolis, IN. Unknown age & gender; short-haired orange tiger. Subject 3 is an indoor/outdoor cat; residence unknown. Passive-agressive cat was first spotted in the early 2000s, by observer 2, who was outside smoking at the time. Reportedly, Passive-agressive Cat made prolonged eye contact while copiously relieving himself approximately 1.5 meters from observer 2’s feet. Most recently, Passive-agressive Cat was seen immediately outside observer 1’s glass door, clutching a dead chipmunk firmly between the jaws and parading back and forth in front of Subjects 5 & 6. Upon seeing observer 1 approaching, Passive-aggressive Cat bounded off to the northeast, approximately to Observer 1’s property line, turned around to dispay the chipmunk again, and then departed.
Subject 5: Magnus Carpetbane, AKA The Viking Longcat (or, more recently, The Viking Widecat)
Magnus Carpetbane is native to Indianapolis, IN. Approximately 2.5 years old, neutered male; short-haired gray and cream tiger. Subject 5 is an indoor cat with a known residence, and a close associate of Subject 6. Surname was earned as a result of his vigilance and enthusiasm in protecting his owners from a wide variety of floor coverings; most notably area rugs, but also the occasional bathmat, yoga mat, or random piece of dirty laundry. Subject 5 is thought to be a bit dim, having failed remedial door-opening on at least once (complete records not available), been outwitted by chipmunks regularly, and mistaken a set of glass fireplace doors for a window for over a year.
Subject 6: Minx
Minx is native to Louisville, KY; currently resident in Indianapolis, IN. Approximately 14 years old, neutered male; long-haired tuxedo. Subject 6 is an indoor cat with a known residence, and a close associate of Subject 5. In contrast to his close associate, Minx appears to be very intelligent, and has indicated that he comprehends the use of telephones, car keys, doorknobs, lighters, power tools, ATMs, kitchen appliances, and the Electoral College, although he rarely bothers to make use of this knowledge.
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June 25th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Further field observations from Observer 2.
Subject 2.1: Sophia
Sophia is a native of rural northwest Indiana, an approximately 3 year old female. Fertile (and gravid) upon her appearance, she has since been reproductively decommissioned. Originally a barn cat, she observed the new residents of the associated farmhouse for between 5 and 6 months before determining that they were worthy of adoption. Having that goal firmly in mind, she set about achieving her ambition of human-ownership with remarkable ingenuity and tenacity, evoking sympathy by such tricks as remaining outdoors in snowstorms so as to be by the door should it open at such unusual times as 2:00 a.m. She cemented her status by “counting coup” among the indigenous rodent population. The resident primates made her status as indoor/ outdoor cat permanent upon the arrival of two kittens. Despite the lack of reproductive capacity or hormones, she continues to mother both the younger felines and treats the youngest primate in the household as a large, noisy kitten.
Subject 2.2: Tornado
Tornado is a also a native of northwest Indiana. She is a 2 year old indoor-outdoor female of known residence, reproductively decommissioned at the age of approximately 6 months. Sophia’s daughter, she is a resident of the same household into which she was born. She has never had to fend for herself, but is a consummate huntress and enjoys it, thus providing extremely valuable services as a rodent control officer. She is extremely intelligent, mastering such challenges as opening doors and out-stubborning primates while still in kittenhood. Possessed of an extremely jealous personality, she has finally acknowledged, after a full year, that the third feline member of the household has come to stay.
Subject 2.3: Cloud
Cloud, a one year old spayed female, is a native of rural northwest Indiana and a strictly indoor cat. She is the youngest member of the feline tribe headed by Sophia, described above. Arriving at the household as a 5 1/2 week old waif, she requested admission and assistance and promptly demonstrated her intelligence by ingratiating herself with the most feline-resistant of the resident primates. She is believed by observer 2 to be quite intelligent; however, her occasional kitten escapades make it difficult to make a clear determination. Further observation as she matures will be necessary.