This charming item at least answers the question long asked of math teachers, “but what exactly am I going to DO with this knowledge?”
And gives new meaning to “#2″.
ETA: After 37 wasted minutes, it’s up to 17389.
From Steve Mirsky’s column in the online edition of Scientific American:
Earlier this year Republicans in the House of Representatives adopted as a reelection sales pitch the phrase “The Change You Deserve.” Which they apparently didn’t realize was already the trademarked slogan for Effexor XR, a potent antidepressant.
and
the Republican National Convention former real senator and fictional New York City district attorney Fred Thompson said of Sarah Palin, “I think I can say without fear of contradiction she is the only nominee in the history of either party who knows how to properly field-dress a moose. With the possible exception of Teddy Roosevelt.” Be afraid, Fred. Because I’m fairly sure that Grant, Lincoln and Andrew Jackson could have dressed a moose. Not to mention Washington, Zachary Taylor and William Henry Harrison, although they weren’t members of either current political party. (Bill Clinton could probably undress a moose.)
Ladies and gentlemen of the Reading Public, I am happy provide you with this bit of metaprocrastination, mostly because it means I got to invent a new, seven-syllable word.
The only thing that sets us apart from the animals is our ability to accessorize…a pink gorilla suit?
Anyone who knows anything about the squirrel mafia should be utterly unsurprised by this…
This is the sort of excuse note I would probably write.
Except that I wouldn’t take my kids to any Disney theme park, because I find the $DISNEY experience surreal and creepy. At least, I did last time I was there…when I was about six or seven. Admittedly, I haven’t been back since then, but only because I suspect that it has only gotten more surreal and creepier in the intervening thirty or so years.
Thanks to Ed for making me aware of the latest escalation by the Squirrel Mafia.
Yoinked from arenson9…with commentary, of course
“A” careers for me:
Association Manager - I have no idea what this even is
Casting Director - No desire to seduce starlets
Communications Specialist
Criminologist - Those who can’t do…
Critic - It’s more of a hobby for me, but if it paid well enough…
Curator
Desktop Publisher
Director
Health Care Administrator - Don’t care enough about people
Historian - Closest I’ve gotten is wanting to be Indiana Jones when I was ten
Human Resources Specialist - No, really
Industrial-Organizational Psychologist - Even less plausible
Lobbyist - Why not just tell me that I would be a good prostitute?
Management Consultant - See above comment
Office Manager
Political Aide - Checking to see if there’s a slime trail behind me
Professor - The fact that I left grad school with a bad taste in my mouth probably takes this one off the list
Public Policy Analyst
Writer - Again, a great hobby, but I’m just not good enough to go pro
“B” careers for me:
Activist - Not that good at losing gracefully; would lead to heavy drinking
Actor
Anthropologist
Arts Administrator
Comedian - Got kicked out of a comedy troupe in college for being “too funny”
Economic Development Officer - This thing must be broken
Economist - Prefer not to have sense of humor excised
Producer - So long as I don’t have to look, sing, or dance like Nathan Lane
Venture Capitalist - This thing must be really broken
Wedding Planner - Am procrastinating in planning my own wedding at this point
“C” careers for me:
Animator - Can’t draw
Artist - Still can’t draw
Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator - Hello? Hello? CAN’T DRAW.
Costume Designer - My mother does it better than I possibly could
Director of Photography
Exhibit Designer
Industrial Designer - Which industry do I get to design?
Model Maker - I knew all those tall, skinny women were unnatural, but I had no idea…
Set Designer
Special Effects Technician - Seriously thought about this in college, decided I preferred having a full set of fingers to having pyrotechnic expertise
Technical Writer - Frighteningly enough, this was my day job for eight years
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