Ravings of a Textual Deviant

A: You cannot get nine women together and have a baby in one month.

B: I did it because I was told there would be extra credit. And when I was a student, if there was extra credit, you did it.
C: There is, but the reward is virtual.
D: Are you saying that virtual is its own reward?

E: It’s a staff meeting. As opposed to a strep meeting.
D: I’ll penicillin it in.

F: Looks like the honeymoon is over.
A: That means I’m moving into spouse mode, and you do not want that. Just ask my husband.

“I’d like to keep this civil, but…damn, b1tch!!!”

“I don’t know what’s going on here, but it’s like taking a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.”

A: “He thinks that when his feelings are hurt, he’s the only one that matters.”

B: “Isn’t there a shot for that now?”

A: “Yeah—a .22″

“I’m a problem thinker. I think alone, I think when I drive, I think to escape…I can’t wait ’til my next think.” —AP

I knew Fiance had had a bad day when he came home and announced “My clients are crazy and stupid.” This is nothing new, mind you. It’s entirely possible that he sees more crazy people on any given day than our mutual friend, the psychiatrist, and stupidity is more abundant than hydrogen. But apparently, today was noteworthy, as summed up by the statements below.

In court—

“The court ignored my carefully crafted argument of ‘well, duh!’”

And out of it—

“So, [opposing counsel] wants us to ignore the protective order, because [opposing counsel's client] violated it—what a novel legal theory!!!”

“Some people are like slinkies. Not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.”

“Build a man a fire and he stays warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he stays warm for the rest of his life.”

“There’s a reason that nobody’s ever written a book titled Cat Herding for Fun and Profit.”

“If a cat barfs in the woods, does anyone care?”